I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
