You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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