i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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