Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
