his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
