Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
