so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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