Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
