Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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