guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
