I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
