Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
