i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
