look no pants
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
