There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
