I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
