I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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