I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
