Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
