um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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