I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
