shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
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