They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
