Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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