I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
time to smoke my breakfast
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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