you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
