hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
