Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Church boner. Awkwardddd
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
