i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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