If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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