She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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