I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
