I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
We need to get me chipped asap
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