i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
