I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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