If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
