Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
