I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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