I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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