she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
