I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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