id be glad to
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Randomize
