So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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