He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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