would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
