Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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