could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
