I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
