First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
