i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
