next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
