everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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