worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
