Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
