Dual....:-)
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
